Woohoo! I just competed Kayla Itsines #BBG Week 12 program! If you’ve missed what this is, why I’m doing it or my other updates, view here and here.

I’ll cut right to the chase - this program did exactly what I wanted it to. I wanted results, and dramatic results in a short time period at that. That’s definitely what I got. With hard work, dedication and commitment to this workout program and a strict nutrition plan, I was able to shed more than 7 lbs., gained a ton of muscle, and lost more than 5 inches off my hips and 5 off my waist.

Additionally, I have learned a lot about nutrition, cut my sweet tooth and cravings, got way better about water intake and overall improved my physical health.

While I am very happy with the results, I’m not sure if I ever want to go through this again. I felt an insane amount of pressure during this workout regime. I hated the workouts and lost the joy I once had for working out. I also struggled immensely with nutrition. I don’t discuss this much on here, but I am in recovery for an eating disorder. I have been for years and previously I felt in such a good place with it. But this program was intense and all I was focused on was the numbers and getting results. That put me in a very negative headspace. I struggled with restriction and labeling foods as good vs. bad. The thing is, eating disorder recovery is constant. In my experience you are never fully recovered, you are always in recovery. This means its an ebb and flow. Some days I feel great and my ED does not play an active role in my life - I barely think about it. It’s almost like I’m recovered fully. I mean I’ve been in recovery for about 8 years now. But there are some days where it is a mental game. While I may not being doing the actions (starving, binging, etc.) I have the same thoughts come up. It’s thoughts like “don’t eat that” or even “don’t eat at all” or “fell those hunger pains, that means you’re getting skinnier.” Then I have a voice in my head that says “no, food is good for you. Eat.” Then the other voice chimes in and says “that’s lie- food is bad. Don’t let your stomach talk for you. Be in control.” Then it goes back and forth and it is a real head game because both voices sound right to me. I really struggled with this the entire program and had to fight mentally to push through.

I feel much better now in terms of my recovery just in the last few days, and like I said, I’m happy with the results. But, I don’t know if I can put myself through that again. I don’t know if I can be committed to a numbers/results-based program again. That is not to say anything bad about the program, just in terms of me personally and my headspace around exercise. I have to enjoy exercise to do it properly. I have to find an activity I love, move how my body wants to move that day and respect where it is at any given point. That hasn’t always driven “results” but it’s made me happy and isn’t that the whole point of being healthy - to live happy?

If you are interested in the BBG program, I recommend doing the free trial first. I do not suggest it for absolute beginners as you need some level of training first to get through the high intensity and challenging moves. I also recommend, especially if you are in ED recovery, to monitor your mental health throughout the program. Check in just as you do with the scale and make sure you have a good mindset for this program.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with this - if you like squats and strong quads, you’ll love this program. Good luck.

If you have any questions about the program, feel free to DM me! I’d love to chat about it.

If you or a friend is suffering from an eating disorder, seek help. Contact a doctor, therapist or the National Eating Disorder Association hotline M-Th 9 a.m.-9 p.m. or F 9 a.m.-5 p.m at (800)-931-2237.